Nambour

Nambour parkrun

After a chorus of alarms and snoozes I rose 🚨 
Mid-wee selfie 🤳 
Shower 🚿 
Nervous shit 💩 
Dressed 💋
And wait for my friend Sandra from And then I started running

In the car 🚙 
And on the road to pick up our next hitch hiker Paula 💃
On the road again over to Brookside to pick up Motivational Dan 🏃‍♂️

Eventually we were on the road to Nambour 🛣
After a long arse drive we arrived 🚧

Ohh fuck!
We are actually doing this!
Ohh fuck!
It’s so bloody humid.

After an interesting first timers briefing & run brief it was time to run.
Here it was broken to us we were doing Course B.
Now from the groans I heard from the regulars I knew this ain’t good news.
Thank you so much for my warm welcome 😇

Let’s make our way to the start line.
Where is it?
Why are we walking FOREVER?
We walked 500m to the start line 😱
Ohh a this is where I was serenaded by 90 parkrunners singing me happy birthday🎶
Yep. By choice I ran Australia’s toughest parkrun on my birthday 😫

Ready! 😨
Shit! 💩
Set! 😰
Shit! 💩
Go! 🚦

And I’m off & shuffling.
For the first 200m.
And it all literally when to poo from there.
Rocks, hills, twigs, bush = EVERYWHERE!

Walk 🚶‍♀️
Run 🏃‍♀️
Walk 🚶‍♀️
Run 🏃‍♀️ 
Will this pain ever end?
Look at Garmin watch 👀 I’m 400m in 😰

Up up up up up hills ⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️
Scary hills.
Rocky hills.
Challenging hills.

Ohh don’t worry - these mini hills were nothing in comparison to the twins.

Let’s call them Everest & Mt Fuji
Up up up up, like getting altitude sickness I’m up so high ⬆️⬆️⬆️
Down down down a bit ⬇️⬇️⬇️

Ohh I’m in a rainforest 🌿☘️🌴🌱🍃🍀
How lovely.
Where is that family of emu’s they mentioned at the run brief?
How much pain can an emu inflict? 
It can’t be any worse than the pain from running right? 
Can an emu kill me? Pretty please 🙏🏻 
No emu came near me 😞

Up up up up I went ⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️
Oh shit.
Everest.
I was at the top 🙌
Ohh god, I’ve got to go down ⬇️
I see the return runners.
Even they are walking up the cliff 🧗‍♂️

Down I went ⬇️
Loosing control 🔄🔂🔂↩️⤵️🔁↪️↔️🔀⤵️⤴️
Seriously.
I was like an out of control semi trailer.
I had lost my brakes 😳
I think I swore with every out of control step I took.

Run run run turn right ➡️
Run run run rises & small falls ⬆️⬇️⬆️⬇️
Finally I see a Marshall!
Turnaround point ⤵️
The Marshall points out to me Course A - it continues over the creek.
Damn! Not enough water to drown myself in 🌊

Run run run, rises & falls ⬆️⬇️⬆️⬇️
See the photographer 😩👎
Turn left ⬅️
Time to mountain climb 🧗‍♀️
Up & up & up I walked 🚶‍♀️⬆️🚶‍♀️⬆️🚶‍♀️⬆️
Swearing with every step 🤬
Swearing 🤬 sweating 😓

Everest never ended.
It just went on FOREVER.
My life flashed before my eyes 👀 
My heart rate was telling me I was about to have a heart attack.
I’m going to die. On my birthday. On the Nambour parkrun course.
I’m too heavy to carry out.
The mountain bikers will use me as a speed bump 🚵‍♀️

I kicked it into 2nd gear.
Almost had a stroke 😳
And swiftly chucked it back into first gear 😩

I just kept going.
I ran where I could & walked when I needed.
And by ran I mean I shuffled.

I needed to do a wee sooo bad.
Every time I tried to pull over & pull my dacks down someone appeared from behind 😠
I mean, can’t a woman do a wee in the bush and not be interrupted?!?!

There was no distinguishing landmarks on this run.
The bush just looked the same.
Where the hell was I?
When will this pain end?

A lovely gentleman ( I really wish I had gotten his name) came back and ran with me.
Pushing me on.
Encouraging me on.
This guy also had no idea who I was, he was just a really nice bloke who came back to help people on, he got me to a bend in the path & told me the finish line was just around the corner.
He then left me and went back to help encourage others over the line. 🏃‍♂️🏆

I ran & ran & ran.
I could see it!
The finish line 🏁

I did it!
I trekked over the line in 50.41.
By far the hardest parkrun I have completed & I’ve done over 40 different locations.
Toughest parkrun in Australia - yes it is!

It was so great to catch up and run with friends like Sandra, Paula, Dan - my road trip buddies!

It was great to catch up with my main man Grant, I hope to see you at a few more runs this year 🏃‍♂️🏃‍♀️

Ruth & Jamie from Brissie Running Women, that was a toughie! 👯‍♀️
I hope you & your pants are healing well Ruth!

Deb from Golden Beach parkrun - Yep, my bad! 😉😉

Anna & Jim from Stones Corner parkrun you guys are the best!
Ohhh the look on your faces when I broke the news to you that it was the toughest parkrun in Australia 🇦🇺 😂🤣😂🤣
I’m sure you are no longer feeling a bit dusty 🤢

Thank you to the run committee who made not only I but all of the visitors so welcome. I’d have to say this is one of the friendliest parkrun’s around.

And we rounded off a great morning with a lovely breakfast at Endless Time Cafe

I survived Nambour parkrun!
At parkrun Australia - surely there is a t-shirt that says that?

Nambour - was it as tough as I thought?
It was TOUGHER!
But now I can say I enjoyed every single 11,487 steps of it.
But I did it.
And surprisingly I didn’t die 💀

This is a MUST DO parkrun.
I came, I saw & I conquered 🏃‍♀️🧗‍♀️

Will I be back?
Well, I’ve got to give Course A a go don’t I?

To get me back for Course B I will need a Sherpa, a mule of some description & a whole lotta Dutch courage 🥃

**as for my approved missing persons photos - you can keep em.
A little something for the wank bank 😉


Leave a comment