Pass the cheese please

Pass the cheese please

Now that I am an elite athlete 😂 I need to look after myself, I need to be in tiptop condition ready for action at any moment.

I went to the podiatrist. Exciting I know, having someone touch my feet is about as exciting as a paps smear.

I have horrid feet, not only do I have size 11 man-feet, I had botched ingrown toenail surgery a few years ago. Not really surgery but it make it seem more dramatic.
My big toe toenails would scare you, I had the sides cut out & poisoned to stop them growing into ingrown nails.
There is this one spiky thing that grows out of the corner, it's weird & gross, my toe looks like a sprouting potato.

Anyhoo, my husband Ben will also confirm my feet are like hooves, he tells me to call a farrier.

So I go to my appointment, sit on this weird bench thing and the podiatrist asks me "what can I do for you today?"
Me being the bogan I am replies "scrape the shit off my feet".
That's bogan talk for I would like a pedicure please.

She knew exactly what I was asking for, it's really called callous removal.
It's very similar to a pedicure without the foot spa & nail polish.

I have been to those Asian nail spas before and those bitches hacked away at my feet so badly I could barely walk.
Now I don't know any Mandarin but I know they are talking about me when the girl squatting in front of me, breaking into a sweat while scrubbing my feet is saying things to her colleagues, then they all look over a me & laugh.
I'm sure I heard the words "trotters" 🐷

Back to the podiatrist, she carefully & lovingly used a scalpel looking tool to lovingly & carefully scrape away the dried, crusty skin off my feet.
Out came something that looks like a mini rotating belt sander & my heels where polished.

I am lucky/fortunate enough to be able to afford private health insurance - I was $14 out of pocket.
Even if you don't have health insurance I highly recommend getting it done, the original cost of my appointment was $70 - I'm a return customer.
Some of those nail salons charge up to $60 for a pedicure.
I don't know about you, but I would much rather trust someone who has been to university for 4 years than one of those other places.

My feet feel just like my 14 months old, in fact I think mine a smoother!

Now I almost took a picture of the shit that was scraped off to put on here, but that shit will make you sick.
It looked like shaved Parmesan.

Bolognese anyone?

Disclaimer - I thought they spoke Chinese in China. I had to Google it.

Each health fund is different - please check with your provider how much they will cover

Leave a comment