On my 2nd alarm I rose 🚨
Run to the bathroom 🚽
Nervous vomit 🤢
Mid wee selfie 🤳
Vomit in my hands 👐
Keep weeing 💦
Nervous poo 💩
Dressed in tri suit 💋
Nervous poo 💩
Final few wee drops 💦
Coat myself in fisiocrem Australia
Out the door to the garage 🚪
The husband has attached the bike rack to the car 🚗
Bike secured 🚲
On the road to Sleeman Sports Complex 🛣
I arrived and got a carpark.
Almost hyperventilate 😫
I'm actually doing this.
I'm doing a triathlon!
I struggle getting my bike off the rack - that bloody shoulder of mine!
Grab my bag 💼
Make my way over to the event.
I saw my friend The Adventures of Super Steph & the super kid
I also catch up with my friends Kell & Raine.
I make way down to the transition zone - I'm not sure if that's the actual name but let's just go with it.
It's where you leave your bike.
I struggle getting it on the rack 🤦♀️
Get my gear out
Lay it all out 🛍
Meet the most lovely lady Chris. Chris made sure I was okay, that I was organised, I had everything I need.
Go for a stroll on my lonesome 🚶♀️
Chuck my bag in the bag drop 👜
Walk around barefoot 🤕
How painful is it walking around without shoes?!?! I mean I wear shoes inside my own house!
I watch Super Kid do her Kids Tri & I was there with her Mum Steph to cheer her over the line 🎉
See my friend Sally 👋
Make my way down to the pool 🏊
The Ultra distance has started.
The lovely Chris takes me under her wing and we hang out.
She assures me I'm not going to die.
I see my friends Bec & Leila 👋
Their going to go to the toilet 🚽
I'm saving mine for the pool.
Revvies Energy Strips time!
No bin to put the wrapper 🗑
Chuck it in my bra.
Note - be more organised that I.
Have your LSD/energy strip near a bin.
I almost severed my nipple with the foil wrapped.
Over we go to the steps for our briefing - I see another friend Yvonne 👋
I was relieved when I found out I wasn't the only person there who hadn't done a tri before.
There was a hundred of us 💯
Briefing done ✅
The final swimmer from the Ultra leg emerged from the pool to a mighty cheer.
Note - final swimmer, not last.
The great thing about Triathlon Pink is there are no places 👍
During the brief we were asked to self-seed according to what we think our strength in swimming is.
I go right to the back.
Try saying this at least 120 times as there was probably 120 people in front of me.
Oooohhhhh fuck - it's my turn.
Swimming cap on✔️
Bluetack in ears ✔️
Spit in goggles ✔️
Step onto the beepy timing thing.
It turns out I'm a better swimmer than I thought.
I powered through the water, passing other swimmers.
Swim to 1 buoy 📍zig zag to the next 📍
Zig 📍 zag 📍
Zig 📍 zag 📍
300m done ✅
Drag myself out of the pool.
Run out of the pool complex out into the road to my bike.
When I say run, think newborn foal trying to walk.
Jelly legs with my delicately skinned feet on bitumen 🙅
Run to my bike.
Where the fuck is The Penetrator?
All these bikes look alike 🚲
Ahhh there he is!
The one with the well worn seat 😂
Bathing cap off
Bluetack out 👂 which also rips out half my hair that got stuck to it.
Helmet on - number 1 triathlon rule.
Gunt accentuated (race belt on)
Hokas on - they are my only shoes with speed laces.
Un-rack my bike and make my way to the mount line
I hear some random cheers - turns out they were for me - thank you Danea, Caitlin & Emily 😘
Mount line = mount.
I get off to a slow start - peddle peddle peddle & I'm off.
Ride ride ride (that's all riding is)
Faaaaark a long increasing hill.
Gears back into 1. Only down from gear 2.
Peddle like mad.
Hardly get anywhere 😂
Peddle peddle peddle peddle peddle peddle peddle peddle peddle peddle peddle - you get it now - just how slow I was going?
Turn around point ↪️
Ride all the way back
Turn around - well almost fall off my bike at the turn around point - there wasn't much room - or was that just me?
Do it all again 3 more times 😫
I see Jamie from Berrinba Runners (my friends Yvonne's husband) ohh he's taking a photo of me 📸
I attempted a thumbs up 👍 but the fear of a compound fracture got the better of me 🏥
Ride ride ride back to the dismount line.
POP! Think suction cup.
That's the sound of me dismounting 😳
Wobble wobble wobble back to my rack.
My towel was easy to find - white Egyptian cotton Sheridan towel.
Yes I took that to a triathlon 🤷♀️
Think newborn foal again.
3k to go.
Fuck - the run starts with a hill.
I struggled. Oh man did I struggle with that hill.
I had to walk a fair bit of it
Finally the flat ______ run run run
Hang a left ⬅️
Run run run chuck another left ⬅️
Run around the velodrome
Turn left back out of the velodrome ⬅️
Run run run - see my mate Kell 👋
The finish line is off to the right - but who has 2 more fucking k's to go? 🙋
Run run run past the crowds - people are cheering, kids are giving my hi-5's 🤚✋️🤚✋️
Lap 2 ✅
Lap 3 was by far the hardest.
No music 🎶
I had to listen to my own Darth Vader breathing & the sound of Lycra swish-swishing between my legs.
On lap 3 I also caught a glimpse of myself in the reflection of a bus stop.
My gunt was worse than I thought 💭
But you know what?
I just kept on shuffling.
Shuffle shuffle shuffle and I'm on the home stretch.
I'm running up the small hill to the finish line.
It was as if I was in slow motion.
To the naked eye I look like I'm in slow motion - think Pamela Anderson Baywatch.
The good thing about being slow - plenty of friends are finished to take photos of you & no other bitches are stealing your glory.
Run run run & I'm over the finish line 🙆
I did it.
I really did it.
I did it in 1hr 1 minute.
I swam 300m, cycled 8k & ran 3k 🏊♀️🚴♀️🏃♀️
I am a triathlete.
Me, Shanon, the girl at the beginning of the year who couldn't run.
Who didn't have the ability.
Who didn't have the confidence.
Who didn't have the determination.
But now she does.
Thanks to everyone for supporting me & cheering me on.
A huge thank you to Jamie & Amira my personal paparazzi - because of you I don't need to buy race photos 😉
Chris & Yvonne - I cannot thank you enough for your encouragement.
And after all of that, I forgot to piss in the pool 🤦♀️