Zillmere parkrun

After 3 alarms I rose 🚨 
Mid-wee selfie 🤳 
Shower 🚿 
Dressed 💋
Wake the kid 👹
Feed the kid ☠️
Chuck the kid in the car with a million snacks 🥓🥨🍭🍬🍫🍿🍩🍪🍏 (the obligatory apple so you don’t get all judgy)
On the road to Zillmere 🛣
Where the fuck is Zillmere?!?!

Over the Gateway bridge 🎢
Past an Arnotts Biscuits factory 🤤🍪
Get lost in an industrial estate 🏭
That fucking mole Siri has it out for me.

Finally I found it!
Let’s get my Z on!

Unload the kid & the pram & the millions of snacks.
A couple of showers came over 🌧
Attach the weather cover to the pram.

First timers brief.
Pay attention!!!!
I’m easily confused at the best of times.
That map 🗺 oh Baby Jesus.
1 1/2 laps here, a lap over there, 2 laps here.
I was waiting to be issued with an official parkrun flare in cause I got myself into a spot of bother.

Before I knew it, it was run time.
My lovely friend Ang was going to run with me. I love her to bits, she’s from the northside,I don’t understand everything she says - it’s the north of the river accent. But I did understand “I’ll help with the pram” 😘😉😘😉😘

Go 🚦

And we are of and sloshing 🌊
(Deep breath)
This is where it all went to shit.
The whole course was covered in a good 6 inches of water.
I was quickly at the back of the pack.
Water + pram = not much fun.

Slosh, splash.
Slosh, splash.
5 frigging k’s of it.
Ohhh and it’s a 100% off road course

Even the majestic Bin Chickens had a smirk on their beaks as I sloshed past 🖕
Run, splash, run, splash 1.5 times around an oval 🔄
Over a little bridge ⏏️
At the Marshal turn right ➡️
Start walking cause it’s just so hard.

Up to the cone 🔺
Turn left ⬅️
Follow the train line 🚂 
Sharp left ⬅️
Go for a bit.

Slipping & splashing in mud.
Causeway time ⛲️
Run down it ⬇️
Struggle up it.
Thank god for Ang.

The lovely Malia comes over on her way back offering to take the pram.
But the pram is my excuse to be super slow 😂
On we push, off to the right ➡️
At the Marshal turn right ➡️
Run out to a cone 🔺
Turn around ⤵️
Back to the Marshal.
Turn right ➡️
Follow the fence line to the end ⛔️
Turn left ⬅️
Follow the fence line past the plastic factory
Turn left at the end ⬅️
Make our way back towards the causeway ⛲️
Struggle up the causeway.

Back towards the bridge ⏏️
Turn right ➡️
2 final laps of this oval and we’re finished.
Ang & I passed the pram back & forth the whole way.
If it hadn’t of been for her, I would have just abandoned that pram, out by the train line, kid still in it.

Linda & Rachel had already finished their run, but came & joined us in our final lap.
I think they just wanted to hear my swearing.
I can only come to the conclusion that Linda & Rachel are part Jesus.
They can walk on water 👯‍♀️
They were clean of the filth I was covered in.

Finally it was done.
It was over.

I sloshed over the line in 46.47
I should say I almost killed Will in 46.47, it didn’t actually rain while we were moving, the rain cover basically work the same way as putting a plastic bag over his head 😱
Sorry mate.

Thank you so much to Ang for help & the friendship.
Many others would have abandoned me.
I bet you wish you did!

It was lovely to meet Rachel, catch up with Linda, Malia, Margaret, Amanda, Tracy & Sasha.

Would I do this course again?
Yes, after a 3 month drought, and the biscuit factory must be open

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